The Three Expectations Quietly Undermining Modern Marriages

Most marriages do not collapse from dramatic betrayal.
They erode slowly—under the weight of expectations no one ever examined.

Here are three of the most common.

1. “My partner should meet my emotional needs at all times.”
Healthy marriages involve support, attunement, and care—but not emotional totalisation. When one partner becomes the sole regulator of the other’s wellbeing, pressure replaces intimacy. Secure bonds require interdependence, not emotional outsourcing.

2. “If this were right, it would feel easier.”
Effort is not evidence of failure. It is evidence of depth. Research on long-term relationships consistently shows that skill, practice, and repair—not ease—predict durability. Love that lasts is learned.

3. “Personal growth should never require sacrifice.”
Every serious relationship constrains choice. That is not pathology—it is structure. Growth without sacrifice is adolescence extended. Marriage marks a shift into adulthood, where meaning is built through commitment.

When these expectations go unchallenged, partners begin to interpret normal strain as a sign something is wrong—rather than as evidence something important is happening.

Strong marriages are not free of tension.
They are free of illusion.

Sources:
Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice
Hendrix, H. (2007). Getting the Love You Want