Marriage Is Not There to Make You Happy. It Is There to Make You Capable.
Most people enter marriage with an unspoken hope:
that this relationship will finally make life feel whole.
That expectation is understandable—and deeply misleading.
Marriage was never designed to function as a happiness machine. When we treat it as one, we overload it with demands it cannot sustainably meet. The result is disappointment, resentment, and the quiet conclusion that “we married the wrong person.”
Historically and psychologically, marriage serves a different purpose. It is a formative structure—one that shapes who we become over time.
It forms:
emotional regulation when conflict arises
patience when needs are unmet
moral responsibility when leaving would be easier than staying
empathy when certainty gives way to complexity
Research consistently distinguishes between pleasure-based happiness and meaning-based fulfilment. Relationships oriented solely toward happiness tend to be volatile. Relationships oriented toward meaning—shared purpose, responsibility, and endurance—are more resilient and more satisfying over time.
This does not mean marriage ignores joy.
It means joy is a byproduct, not the mission.
Marriage makes you capable before it makes you comfortable.
Capable of keeping your word.
Capable of staying present under strain.
Capable of loving when the feeling ebbs.
That is not a lesser vision of marriage.
It is a far more dignified one.
Sources:
Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics
Frankl, V. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning
Fowers, B. (2015). Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness
Baumeister et al. (2013). Journal of Positive Psychology
